HELLO 2013!

On 2 January 2013, I drafted:

"Okay, so it's past midnight on the second day of 2013. Which means, tonight I'll be flying back to Manila. It's kinda bittersweet because I am both excited to start my third trimester and sad to leave my hometown. The latter is a particularly stronger emotion since I have been having a blast for the past few days. Perhaps this is one of those vacations that I didn't spend much. And yet, I was extremely joyful sharing quality time with my family and friends. :-)

Whether I was having a chat with my cousins, or cooking a special dish for my folks, or playing at the mall arcade with my friends, I was utterly happy. And this happiness made me realize that truly, the best things in life are priceless.

Okay, enough of that.

What I really want to do right now (after verbalizing above how I feel at the moment) is (1) to jumpstart blogging /*since I have been missing in the blogosphere for many weeks*/; and (2) try out this new scheme of uploading photos in this blog. For the first one, I'll try to start writing some pending blog entries that I have been meaning to publish but didn't find time to do so. And for the latter, as advised by a couple of Facebook friends, I'll try to use Flickr as a means to upload photos in blogspot despite my storage capacity issues with Blogger.

And to start with the latter, let me attach a trial pic in this entry. Hope this works."



<<<<<< Fast forward to 12 January 2013:  Okay it didn't work. If I want to continue blogging here, I would need to upgrade this account and avail extra storage for a fee. Since I seem to have no choice, why not push all the way through, get extra storage + have my own domain name + host my own site? Good plan, eh? Except for the 'annual fees' part. Not cool. However, I really have few alternatives, so I just have to deal with the fees.

So anyway, I revived my original blog in Wordpress (which has nil entries). If ever I'll host my own site, I'll be using Wordpress due to its flexibility /*think of the iOS vs Android analogy*/. Perhaps I should have entitled this blog "GOODBYE" instead of "HELLO" because this is going to be my last entry in Blogger. Awww... I hate goodbyes. It gets me teary-eyed every time. T.T

But seriously, I'm thankful that people read this blog, and some few even clicked that "Follow" button.

Anyway, you can still catch me in my Wordpress site. Hope you still follow me there. Here's the URL:

http://lonewulfsdirge.wordpress.com/




Thanks guys! This is LONEWULF signing off...


...in Blogger.

KIMCHILANDIA CHRONICLES: JEJU ISLAND – LOVELAND

Kimchilandia Chronicles – Chronological recounting of Lonewulf’s great Korean adventure

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WARNING!

If you are under 18, or have a weak heart, please do not proceed on reading this entry.

I am actually warning you. See those cartoon characters they used on their entrance booth? Definitely not for kids.

HEY! Why are you still reading? Didn't I tell you to leave this page?

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There. Don't say I didn't warn ya

VLAST FROM THE FAST - THE LETTER THAT MADE ME CRY

I'm quite sure this was how I looked back in 2007

Just a few days back, I was able to read an ancient letter I wrote back in 2007. It was a very personal email I sent to a good friend of mine, Ate Charm. And yes, as the title of the entry says, I cried after I read this letter. Well, it was actually pretty odd that I cried, but yeah, I did. Maybe it was the nostalgia. Maybe it was my innocence back then, or perhaps reading the letter made me vividly recall the melancholy I was feeling while typing that email.

Anyway, whatever it was, it's not important. I just want to share the letter here just to give you readers a glimpse of who I was or how things were when I was younger. :)

Just to set your expectations, there's nothing really extraordinary about the letter. No juicy stuff. It's just a correspondence I had with a friend. But it was extra special to me because reading it took me back to the time when I was very melancholic: I was stuck in college, missing my friends and colleagues who have left campus ahead of me, I was about to graduate and thus I was starting to miss the people I'm about to leave behind and Elbi-life in general.

WAIT. I take back what I said about "no juicy stuff". There are juicy stuff but I censored them as that I thought they are too private. lol

So anyway, here's the letter.

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--- On Wed, 4/4/07, noel co<thegreatnoel@hotmail.com> wrote:

From: noel co <thegreatnoel@hotmail.com>
Subject: te charm!!!!!
To: kewl16_sj@yahoo.com
Date: Wednesday, April 4, 2007, 3:00 PM

ate charm, musta ka na??

sorry ngayon lang nakapag-email.. busy talaga eh

BEHIND THE CAMERA

/*Warning: This is not something for you to read. I just felt the need to write this*/

OY, YOU!

I hate to admit this, but I still think of you. A lot.

/*Don't you dare click that button*/

SALT & SPICE: Mission Accomplished

(recounting mode)

It is my last night and I’m in my hotel room. I couldn’t sleep. Luckily, my mindless switching of channels led me to a few interesting treats:

1. A reality show about a daring man undertaking dangers (and survival) of the Earth; in the current episode, I watched him run inside a tunnel while an oblivious full-speed train chased after him. He narrowly escaped, and I know I was supposed to be at the edge of my seat rooting for him to live. I wasn’t. Next channel.
2. Fullmetal Alchemist! Yay! Wait, Hohenheim versus “Father”? This is it! This is the better F.A. series that featured the “actual” ending in the manga. Fullmetal Alchemist; Brotherhood, was it? Not a fan of manga? Okay I’ll stop now. Next channel.

SWOLLEN

I was on an unfamiliar ride one day, heading to an unfamiliar destination. I was staring blankly at the unfamiliar streets, when somehow the vehicle I was in passed by a familiar lane. It was your workplace. I have no idea if you’re still with that group as I had cut all my communications with you since 2009.

As the driver steered the jeepney towards your office compound, I saw that gate where I used to wait for you whenever I fetch you after work. Whether I was excitedly waiting for you to come out, or I had my head down because you’ve been ignoring me since I arrived late, I had always used that exact same spot. I noticed that it didn’t change much. I can still see my old self standing there. Staring back at me. And then I felt my heart swell, when it really did not.

So I looked away.

Next thing I knew, I was stretching my neck back and forth, looking through the gates, hoping that I’ll catch a glimpse of you. How do you look these days? Are you wearing a new hairstyle? Or sporting a new colour perhaps? Do you still bring that Oakley bag we purchased at Makati? Do you still wear those white loafers I chose for you at Shoe Salon?

The jeepney passed by the last building, and the streets became unfamiliar again.

The swelling was gone.

THE LOVE LETTER

Speaking of love letters, I would like to post the best love letter I've ever encountered.

It is from a movie I've seen way back in '99. It is called "The Love letter". I remember watching it with my high school friends. And I also remember being the only one to like the movie.

Here's a transcript of the letter:

Dearest,

Do you know how much in love with you I am? Did I trip? Did I stumble - lose my balance, graze my knee, graze my heart? I know I'm in love when I see you. I know when I long to see you, I'm on fire. Not a muscle has moved. Leaves hang unruffled by any breeze. The air is still. I have fallen in love without taking a step. You are all wrong for me and I know it, but I can no longer care for my thoughts unless they are thoughts of you. When I am close to you, I feel your hair brush my cheek when it does not. I look away from you sometimes, then I look back. When I tie my shoes, when I peel an orange, when I drive my car, when I lie down each night without you, I remain, 

Yours.

By the way, the movie starred Ellen Degeneres. And I had no idea back then that she'll become this big. Like Ellen big.

Anyhow, I found the movie really cute. Hope you'd have the chance to watch it. Especially as the big V is approaching.

(photo courtesy of www.palzoo.net and transcript courtesy of www.imdb.com)

THAT BIG LUMP IN MY CHEST

Do I like feeling awful?

Many months ago, I met J. J makes me smile. J takes care of me. And J is simply everything I could have ever wanted. But J isn't.

J is simple. Simple-minded. Meek. Down-to-earth. J is loving. And J is good for me. J has the qualities of a person I want to grow old with.

But I couldn't give my heart to J. Not even if I badly want to. How can I hand it to J? When I have already given it to you.

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I hate to write more about this. That big lump just keeps on growing. I wish it will just go away.

Thanks for turning me into a monster.

THE SECOND PERSON

You should know that for more than one reason, it is obviously the month. Or maybe you have already forgotten? Read on and you might remember why I wrote that first sentence.

I am sure it is there. I feel it. The cold monsoon intensifies it even further. I am pertaining to this ugly creepy gloom lurking in my shadowy parts. You know what, sometimes it even takes over my better parts that it would at random moments make my mind flip into subconscious. It is like having lapses. Really. I'm pretty sure my recent historical timeline has micro-discontinuities in it.

Not a cheesy item. It was my roomate Jap's gift to me and my other roomate Mat since we both celebrated our birthdays last month.

You did notice the new add-on on my header, didn't you? No? Well now you do. I am putting that there hopefully only until the month ends. I am putting that there because I am beginning to lose my purpose in setting this blog up.

I have recently been pondering where this blog should be heading. I was having a hard time though as I couldn't remember why I set this blog up in the first place. I can conjure a bunch of reasons but I know that they're not exactly the right one. And then I recalled all the entries here that mattered to me the most. I noticed one common point in all of them: I was writing them to you. I may be half aware of it when I wrote them, but yeah, it doesn't matter. I was writing them to you.

I can say that I am maybe subconsciously doing this to update you of all the things that happened to me while you're gone. (Argh!) I meant, when you left.

I can say that I am doing this hopeful that I'll grow tired of you. God, it has been over a year. Talk about being pathetic, yeah? But I admit that I still want you. Sometimes I still dream of you. And what's more sad is that I feel warmth when I do. I also admit that I still believe in you. I have to say that, because no matter how hard I deny it, it is the truth. But I want all of these to be over. Soon. So, if they say that talking about it is one of the methods then I'll desperately head that way.

I can say lots of other different things but they're not necessary at this point. I have already established that starting now, this blog will be a love letter to you. Yup. February is not just everycouple's month. It also was our month. It contains our anniversary that never happened.

a product of my boredom in the office many months ago. Oh! the Bank and the shape, another allusion to the second person.. sheesh

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To add insult to injury, our "employee welfare" committee in the office have started sending a daily memo with a dancing cupid in it. Yesterday it read "13". Today it has the big number twelve on it. Maybe they prepared a surprise event or something. That's a good initiative to be honest. But a Valentine countdown!! ... Really?! I mean, who does that?

ANOTHER OFFICE COMPETITION

As I was busy reading my Monday morning dose of news, I overheard some of my officemates making sounds of excitement. I craned my neck over my cubicle to check, and I saw that some were crowding on someone's computer. That's when I realized that the moment must have come.

I was in the middle of some article on Pnoy and drug traficking when the long-awaited message popped in my inbox. It was the HR who cascaded the big announcement, as I expected. I was halfway through the announcement when I joined the rest of the company, minus ten, in releasing a sigh and then a shrug. As I expected.

Oh well, someone's gotta win.

my assignment (November 2010)

It was late November last year (or early December?) when each employee receieved a plant. As part of the core values of our company, we are supposed to manifest CARE. Thus we were divided into groups of ten and we were to take care of our assigned plants for more than a month. It was said in the mechanics that the best looking plant in the team will be submitted and judged via pre-set parameters (height, general appearance, etc.). The team who will win will receive tokens plus a paid dinner with the CEO.

Everyone was in competitive mode right away and put their respective plants in sun-kissed areas in the office. Some even took their plants home to be taken better care of.

Luckily I was born with a green thumb. Or at least that's what I thought. If I may mention, I had my own share of pant-growing activities in the past. In primary school, we grew mongo plants in our school backyard as part of our Home Economics project. Also when I was a kid, I used to water all the plants in our garden
(after i scrub the floor) so i can get an extra peso in my daily allowance. <-- sheeesh, i couldn't believe the roster ended there.

Anyhow, I took care of my plant very positive that we will win. I even brought it in my apartment here in Makati so that it will get better air and sunlight while I go away for the vacation. And so off to Davao I went for a week. To be honest, I was a bit worried that I might lose a couple of leaves. So I flooded the pot with as much water as I can before heading to the airport.

When I came back... GAK!

my assignment (January 2011)

So much for believing in a green thumb. I couldn't believe there were only a couple of leaves left. I was too ashamed that I even promised not to bring it back to the office. I just crossed my fingers and hoped that at least one of my team mates have the green thumb.

Nada.

RANDOM RAW RANT

I know you sometimes think that we look good together. And I'm most certain that we do. I know that because whenever you are at my side I feel peaceful and ecstatic and delighted and calm all at the same time.

You remind me that even if life is harsh, it is mostly about the happy times.

You made me feel tingles that I have already forgotten I could ever feel. Being with you makes me warm and light and juvenile, it kind of reminds me of my prom night.

You are like a piece of heaven sent to me as reward for all my good deeds.

Sometimes I imagine the two of us strolling at the mall, or have a good dinner in one of your favorite restaurants, or perhaps have a few drinks together while listening to a live band. And I know we will both have a good time.

You are someone I can be with in any setting, any period, any lifetime, and I won't be bored.

You just made me believe in weddings. And for the first time in my life I imagined myself wearing a groom's suit, feeling both excited and anxious to see my bride walk down the aisle.

But of course, in every story there's always a catch. For reasons only I can comprehend at the moment, I can't make you be mine.

So for now, I'll just live my life and let you live yours. I will definitely keep on looking at your pictures. And believe that I was behind that smile.




And for what it's worth, I think I'm in love with you.

RE-BLOGGING

I initially created a blog in a different site. However, an alleged violation (by me) in their Terms and Services led to the blog's archiving and/or suspension. So I tried to re-create my blog here, but sad to say, I can no longer access my previous articles. (weeping icon)

I tried my Multiply articles just now but I also couldn't find most of them. The articles that were left are no good. So I guess I will really have to do this blog from scratch.

And with that, I would like to post these pictures I took while I was having dinner at home (included in my previous blog). I chanced upon these two cucarachas doing the nasty-nasty while I was having my daily dose of Mara Clara and Imortal. Immoral exhibitionists! Talk about taking gross-ness to the next level. (disgust)

Here's a closer shot of la cucarachas doing the deed.  (disgust again).
Well at least now we are certain that these creatures don't just undergo binary fission to propagate.

TODAY IS THE DAY

FB Status: is oh so melancholic at the moment.

"going back to the corner where i first saw you, gonna camp my sleeping bag i'm not gonna move"

i hate my heart. it doesn't forget. how can it not? F*CK!!!
  


Someday I'll hear the word Central Bank and I won't feel pain.


Someday I'll go back to this post and I'll laugh hard at how pathetic this was.


Someday I'll bump into you at some corner and I'd be able to smile and not run.






I so hate myself right now. I wish I were a stone or something inanimate and void of emotion. Something dead.